Starting Fresh

Hello everyone, and welcome to my site!

For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Toy, and I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (aka BPD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka DID), and have also gotten myself out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship just recently. I’m going to share my story with all you readers: friends, family, and maybe those of you that also struggle with some sort of mental illness, or who could possibly have BPD or DID just like me!

My goal is to make mental illness more aware to society. I want people to not be ashamed to tell their friends, coworkers, bosses, family, people they meet on the street (etc.) that they struggle with a mental illness, because it’s a tough thing to go through as it is. According to the World Health Organization, suicide is a “global phenomenon” and 1 person dies every 40 seconds due to suicide. Suicide is also the 2nd leading cause of death among ages 15-29 globally. All I can do to help this crisis is share my own story, be there for others, and hope that others will be strong enough to share their own stories as well, and get themselves help or out of tough situations such as abuse. I believe that things change when people unify.

I know I had some posts earlier if you’ve already visited this site, but I haven’t posted in so long I just thought I would start fresh and tell you guys a little about what’s been going on the past few months that I haven’t been posting.

I haven’t posted in forever because I was in the hospital December 2nd – December 6th due to suicidal thoughts. I am just now getting back on my feet. It took a lot of strength for me to admit I was struggling and check myself into the hospital as a safe place.

Those of you that know me really well, know that I miss A LOT of work due to my mental illness. Since being out of the hospital, I have been going to work consistently (which is really hard for me to do), and my FMLA restarted the beginning of this year, so I can use that if needed for my BPD.

I discovered in therapy that I have a dual diagnosis. So on top of BPD, I have DID. But don’t freak out! My therapists tell me that the movie Split has gotten society really freaked out about the disorder when the characteristics that the main character portrays in that movie are not parallel to what happens in real life at all. I have yet to learn more about the disorder, and I will keep you guys updated the more I work on it in therapy. DID has become the main focus of my sessions, so I’m sure I’ll be talking about it a lot! My therapists even had me portray myself in a sandbox my last session,  and I posted a picture below of what came out of it! It’s very interesting! If you have questions on what it is, feel free to ask me about it is in person or through a message. I’d be happy to explain what I was thinking when I made it!

I am single and doing very well since I have gotten out of the hospital. West Valley City is charging Karson for assault and domestic violence, and we go back to court on the 24th to see what the judge decides. His mom hired a lawyer for him because she is obviously enabling him and he thinks he’s innocent. He definitely was part of the reason I was in the hospital, because our crazy break-up only happened a month before I was in the hospital. I have a protective order against him until the next court date, so I don’t think he’s dumb enough to contact me until then.

I am just focusing on myself these days and working on getting my disorders treated in therapy. I am so thankful to my mom for paying for all my therapy sessions and groups. I would not be as healthy as I am today if it weren’t for her, so, thank you, Mom. I am forever grateful. <3

I want to keep all posts short and sweet so they’ll be an easy read for you guys. I have ADHD, so I know it’s hard to read something that is really long. I’m going to try to post every other day and keep the posts under 10 minutes long. If you have anything specific you would like me to talk about please comment below, otherwise, I’ll basically be journaling my life experiences and how I have gotten to be the person I am today!

Thanks for reading and I love you all! <3